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Saturday, January 17, 2009
I'm so sick & tired of everything. I want to end everything. If I had a choice, I would just jump off a building & enjoy life in heaven/hell with Dad than spent life worse than hell with people than you guys. Seriously. What's so wrong. Why did you have to make Dad die, is it because you want me to independent? If it is, fine. It's working. But it's so fucking tough. Things aren't going so well. I'll be having to sleep on the streets soon. Friends, come on. Even if I have a PSP & a laptop, so what? Does it have the equal value of a father? Someone that can share things & you can consult to. If I were to give up everything, friends/money/happiness, even my life, I would. So long Dad can come back. Ok, even if you, readers. Think whatever I'm posting is full of crap, you should try it, you would feel the same unless you're some heartless bastard. It's a new year, I want to start anew, handing in homeworks on time, & not slacking. Attending my CCA's on time & do my best for everything. Control my temper & not quarrel with my siblings. Obey my mother's every instruction. I've done it. But why? Why is it that you, my family that changed. I changed for the better due to you mother, as I've seen how hard is it for you to cope. But why is it you've changed? Stress? Recession? I don't know. You & Dad don't fail as parents because you brought us up properly. You don't go around & scold us, "Fuck you, & all those hokkien words." We, as children fail to comply & let ourself get influence by the society, good or bad. To Amanda, elder sis. You, fail as a sister, for showing us all the wrong examples of life, you do all the things which are considered forbidden by parents. You, shout at us when we talk to you in the nicest tone without uttering a single vulgar or offending word. You don't change because you don't see your mistake. For me, I fail as a brother, for letting me comply & following your examples & in turn the two younger sisters follow. Now they have no utter respect for any of us, regarding elders or seniors. You two, my younger sisters. You failed, but it's due to heavy influence although not entirely your fault, you let yourself get influence by it. Having to watch you people scolding & fighting each other with knives/throwing punches at each other & with those offending words, it's like seeing two strangers fighting like some hooligans when you are both my siblings. What happened to you two was you yourself who let you become like this even under great influence. Life has many choices, whatever you choose leads to something, once you chosen that choice, nothing can change it. Amanda, you choose to be like this, I have nothing to say. Ebony & Ivory, you still have a chance to change, do it. It'll benefit. Trust me, I've been through. It's up to you, I no longer have any say.
